Episode 44: "TRUTH" feat. The Femcels *PREVIEW — FULL EPISODE ON PATREON*

You are listening to the free version of CloudFarm for the full episode sub to Patreon. That's what this podcast is about. Peace. Is that good to get a bad deal? You guys fought with Kung Fu Panda? Do you have a long-time girlfriend? Is drinking soda ick vibes for a man? No. You sure? Yeah. Okay. The bakery is a bossing. Yeah, I mean, I go to Goldsmith, so I think I can say it. Being mean to your parents. It's really not that interesting, because this is just how most normal people speak, all the time anyway. Speak on it. I invented the phrase, mmm, that's yummy. I was too scared to say I didn't know that one. Can we cut it with the random sauce? Last year I had a really bad DJ career. I DJed at like a streetwear expo in Berlin in 2018 with like Gully Gileo there. David, you've been on a bit of a fruit journey recently. I've been on a fruit journey. I got a boyfriend and that cured my eating disorder. It's the gayest thing of all time, but that's what it's about. We just, they're the listeners to be nice to girls. Is this rolling? We're talking to Teeny Bop, conceptual pop sensation, The Femme Cells today, who also now have music out. The Femme Cells is otherwise known as... Do you care to introduce yourselves? I'm Rowan Gabriela. Robert, do you have a question for our guests? Yeah, let me get the document up. Sorry about this. Is it a Google Docs or a PDF? It's a Google Doc. It's a Google Doc. Nice. It's community-oriented. Okay, first question. It's not in the doc, it's in the chat. What do you want to be when you grow up? When I grow up? Well, so I started my career as a seven-year-old making slime.

But then I threw it away. So I guess an entrepreneur slash slime maker slash millionaire. A multi-hyphenate of stories. Yeah. Can we get the bank balance up on camera? No. Because it's too big a number, we wouldn't know what it is. It's just really crude to talk about money. Oh. Sorry. But wait, you have residuals from your... slime career well no i should have but like i threw it in the bin because i thought it was stupid but then but she invented it but i still invented the idea of slime um i just like didn't have really good boys at that time but you're an early adopter of like satisfying content yeah i guess yeah i just like to give to the people yeah yeah april 6th was international asexuality day how how did you guys as femmes celebrate oh How many days ago, Sark? Two. Two? Why do you not know this after? Okay, we should be nervous. Poses, yeah. Didn't have sex. I looked at the asexual Nicki Minaj mood board. Oh, you got broken up with two days ago. Oh, yeah, congratulations, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's how I celebrated, yeah. Wait, can you give us credit for knowing that, for doing our due diligence? Yeah, that's impressive. That's impressive, right? Yeah. Thank you for saying that. I love being a journalist. It doesn't mean that we're not interested, you know? Right, right, right. No. So can we have that on the record then that you guys have had sex? I'm scared of it. It's a process. You have to, you have to, um, immersion therapy I found has helped me. Um, since we're on the, the current events tip today is actually the Ben and Jerry's free cone day. And we want to know what's your favorite ice cream flavor. That's getting clipped so hard. Okay, so no ice cream for the fem cells. I like pistachio. I fuck with ice cream heavy. Yeah. I don't really like it. I like the bubblegum one. The one that's the colour of your eyes. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Let's go in on desserts.

Yeah, we have a kind of like classic platform dessert segment. Do you guys want to rattle off your favorites? I don't really like sweet things. No? Okay, Haribo's Monster Flavor. Oh, shit. Is that real? Yeah, definitely wasn't an AI picture I saw on Instagram Reels and was like, I want that. Never tricked by AI. Other desserts. Haribo has kind of like a slime-esque aspect. Yeah, so true. Is that slime thing real? Yes. Oh. I think I just really like eating Haribo so like replicate fruit instead of actually eating fruit. Yeah. You can get some of the interesting else. Yeah, it's like a chemical peach instead of a real peach just tastes like that. Davey, you've been on a bit of a fruit journey recently. I've been on a fruit journey, yeah. I've been getting into anti... anti-inflammatories. We went to New York a few weeks ago and I got really fucked up for a very extended period. And I just felt like disgusting and like bloated. And as a result, I've been like neurotically having smoothies for the past like week. And I feel like I've just entered a new era. I feel like I'm glowing. A lot of people have been complimenting me, kind of impromptu and saying that I look young for my age. Yeah, I guess I did. I guess I did do. What's the stack for the smoothie? What's the stack? All right. Raspberry, blueberry, strawberry, avocado, banana, half, skim milk, chia seed, and three big-ass blocks of ice. I feel like adding, like, milk to a smoothie is, like, pretty old school. In the gates of... Well, I just thought... This doesn't happen anymore. I don't fuck with the... I'm kind of a throwback. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The firm sales say milk and smoothies is out. Maybe it's back. I'm drinking milk recently. Yeah, I've been fucking in the milk recently. Except I did drink off milk the other day and I threw up so much I thought I was pregnant even though I don't have sex. Good save. That was crazy. Can I just say that any Patreon subs we get as well in this episode, all the money will go back to the FemCells Hymen Reconstruction Fund. You don't need that. None of it's abandoned, Jerry's. That's good.

and none of it's Ben and Jerry's we could yeah we're pro Hyman reconstruction and also we're pro BDS big dick syndrome facts when you put chia seeds in a smoothie that's kind of I feel like that's pretty kind of like pre-COVID it's mature yeah chia seeds is kind of it's definitely it had like a little phase but I'm a loyalist I wanted to ask how old you guys actually are I'm 30 and she's 19 yeah Yeah. So on average, it's like the perfect age. Yeah. We haven't died yet. You haven't died yet. Yeah. Oh, but you're due to die. Yeah. I'm already dead as well when I go. How would you want to die? Oh, um, like, zip line accident. Yeah, I was kind of thinking, like, That happens, man. Don't joke about it. Something like, I'm like really scared of adventure sports. It's like the worst trait about myself. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that's a lot of rich people's downfall because they don't think they're invincible and then do skiing and then die. Yeah, I've gone skiing with rich people and they just get so hammered. And they're just not thinking about how there are two plates of wood going down a mountain. Yeah. Wait, tell us more about these rich people skiing scenarios. So my godparents are like the mother's fourth in Deloitte. In the big four. Which is crazy. And they have a house in Tahoe. I feel like you're American. A lot American. Where are you from? This is all the regular. You want to say? Did you go to... So it gives you vocal... That combination gives you a vocal throw. I think it's that. You've got the international school voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, there were like English schools. And everyone I knew was English. So it still isn't quite... I feel like that really stays with you. I know what it's like, believe me. I know what it's like. It really sticks with you. And as a result, you start neurotically fucking making smoothies and imposing the fact that you're into smoothies on people completely unprompted. Do you think that's why you're fixated on body-modifying surgeries?

I'm certainly entertaining the idea. I think the time will come soon. What kind of surgery do you want? Okay, I've looked into buckle fat removal. And again, it's one of those things where you kind of like... That will happen with age though, right? I don't know. I feel like you kind of like just, you get your... You don't need that. But it's just kind of dope to pay for it. It's dope to pay for it? Yeah, like sometimes I just want to get surgeries because it's like, oh, like how can you really feel sad or feel ugly if you've like paid? for, like, buccal fat removal. Like, even if it doesn't really make you look different. That's the, like, circle that Katie Price is in. She's got, like, horrible bodies morphine. She's like, if I just keep getting it, the same facelift over again. Eventually. Yeah. I'll like it. Which one's Katie Price? She actually went to my school. Really? That was my follow-up question. That's cool. Really? Did Katie Price go to your school? She was, like, a glamour model. so like topless model but she became really famous like a reality star she was nude publicly yeah yeah just breasts just breasts okay page three tips right right okay yeah because like back in the day it was like you're 16 here's your boobs in the newspaper okay and she's like one of she's like bogged herself she's what you know you guys know what the word you guys have recounted the the concept of bogging being bogged you don't know who the bogged enough brothers are you guys are such fake incels it's really pissing me off yeah are there these i mean you guys have you guys i have no idea what it says that's crazy to me am i the okay am i the biggest incel and i guess i'm just like kind of like esoteric like like pseudo kind of like incel face maxing culture The two kind of like icons of it. Oh, the guys who are in the videos. Yeah, they inspire a lot of the guys in this. I don't think they're the shredder guys you're thinking of. So there are these two like French twins. They're like kind of like pop science, Neil deGrasse Tyson style, like science show presenters in France, like I think like during the 80s or something. And they're like identical twins. And their faces got progressively more and more like fucked up and freakish through just like obsessive addiction to like cosmetic surgery to the point at the beginning of this kind of like.

chad caricature type but real kind of freaks and uh as a result like just like taking face maxing too far or whatever is is referred to in certain circles as being bogged you guys should know this yeah sorry yeah let's fuck that do you guys want to speak to the um to the uh stolen incel valor allegations um i kind of don't like isn't bfm sold a different thing It is being a different thing. Explain. I would say that being a femme cell, like instead of being like an incel and you take out the fact that you can't fuck on like girls, if you can't fuck as a girl, you take it out on yourself. Because of like, you've just manifested it in your brain. So I think just like, yeah, I personally went through years of not being able to have sex and it made me want to get buccal fat removal. Well, what era was that? Last year. I'm really sorry that happened to you. Yeah, I know. This is why people get into the arts. Yeah. No, for real. That's why I'm not in the arts anymore. So when did you decide you wanted to be alt? I was called the Indiest Girl in the School, actually. Hmm? I said one girl once said that I was the Indiest girl in the school. That's fucking sick. That must have really hit. Yeah. Did you like pretend to... How did you react? I was like, oh, I really... I guess it was like kind of... It's kind of an insult as far. Like it was. Yeah. Like how hipster was kind of like an insult or something. Yeah. But I feel like they didn't say that when I was at school. Yeah. We were at the same age that we were 13. Yeah, it's strange that you somehow grew up in some bubble where that wasn't used as an insult despite us being exactly the same age. She grew up near the sea. So. Yeah. They're in a bubble. A literal one. The water cycle works differently and brighter. Yeah, it does. Do you guys get, like, crazy, like, DMs? Like, message requests? What are we talking? I think you'd be great for this store as an ambassador for this jewelry store. Gothic juries. What's the people, like, ask them to, like, give you money?

Yeah, I've sold cute pics once. Because I was like, oh, the day's finally come. Same way. For not very much money. Elaborate. How much were we talking? Like £30. I've heard that's the standard bag, to be fair. I don't think you can get much more than that. Yeah. Because it's such a grey market, right? I found him on the drink. Facebook group years ago. That's so good. Wait, you found him. Do I say my hair? Wait, sorry, you made contact with him to sell him feet pics? No, no, no. You sold feet pics for 30 pounds. Right, right, sorry, I'm with you. Yeah, yeah. So you guys reconnected? Yeah. I see. Wait, so how did the request come in? He was like, can I see your feet? I'll give you money. I was like, okay. Was your face in any of the pictures? No, but I took my time and made sure they were nice. Yeah. I don't really have very nice feet, but he seemed to like... But I've always kind of... I mean, this is probably a really hack kind of standpoint or something, but it seems to me like... It's such a desirable fetish. If you can unlock that as a point of appeal to you, just an entire world of easily accessible horniness opens up to you. And I'm kind of jealous of people who are somewhat prominent friends... Actually, I shouldn't get into that. Yeah, I'm always kind of, like, jealous of, like, feet guys. But even, like, within that world. You're jealous, like, that they can be like that? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. What, because you're, like, repressed? No, I'm actively repulsed by feet. You just have to develop a fit aura. Is the feet specifically not, like, just being sexual? No, I just don't find feet to be sexual, but I wish that I did because life would be so much easier if I did. Because you could just see them all the time. Because they're about, yeah. But are they about? Mostly they're covered by shoes. Probably more so than breasts and ass and vagina, yeah. I'm not even sure that's true. Feet are always covered by shoes. They're always covered, unless you're at the beach. Then every beach is a nude beach. Everything's out, yeah. Every beach is a nude beach. But I've also wondered within that, what a sub-genre of foot fetish do you think you fall under? Me? Yeah. Turin gang. I don't have a foot fetish, actually.

No, but you've contributed to it. You've contributed to it, exactly. The canon. Like if you're in Pornhub, like what subcategory would you be under the feet category? Cool feet. Okay, I'm glad that we dispel that. Gabby, is it true that you're a programmer? Yeah, actually it is. And there's C++, C Sharp, HTML, Python. I don't know why I said HTML. It's not a real coding language. No, I liked that. JavaScript. Yeah. WW dot. Yeah. But I'm just a vibe coder now. What does that mean? It's just like when you vibe out and you let ChatGPT just do your debugging for you and you just listen to Breaking Bad as a podcast and chill. Oh, like that. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. so did did you get into it with earnest intentions of becoming a coder yeah I did um I'm doing a degree in it right now and what have you sort of figured that it's not insulated from AI and stuff and that's why you've become a vibe coder well like my first year I actually did have to like write stuff but then it was like I couldn't do my like other activities like screaming into a microphone so I became a vibe coder yeah but do you do you think that if you weren't so bogged down by these other activities there would be like a viable career for you as a coder or do you think that like ship has sailed um I mean as like a 15 year old myself like the world is open to many different opportunities so who knows I know a thing or two Name one. F. She wouldn't die. I feel like you're getting pretty close to naming a thing that you know, but you're rewarded. Just F. You just type that in. It does stuff sometimes. Okay. Yeah, I got you. Yeah. I'm impressed that you knew that. I know. Well, again, due diligence goes. Have you been asking around? Don't worry about it.

these guys are so good at that job i actually want to yeah this is our this is our livelihood i actually want to talk about uh i want to go back to cosmetic surgery because before before we recorded we kind of like touched on a little bit but like um do you care to comment on any procedures either of you may or may not have had yeah i did get a bbl and it made me like really ill And, like, I couldn't... She was leaking all over the place. Yeah, I, like, couldn't sit down. And, like, as a coder, it's, like, really hard, like, if you can't sit down. Because that's what... Yeah, the coding comes from that, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, having a gaming chair. Seated energy. They say that having a caked-up mother actually contributes to IQ. So I feel like if your ass is, like... That's why if you're the first child... Precisely. You get all the... the booty fat yeah yeah yeah so people should be getting a bbl off their first child in order to like regenerate the fat cells that's how that's i think biologically sound yeah that's that's how it works yeah but then also conversely when if your ass starts um seeping fluid uh every which way it probably contributes to like a literal brain drain as well simultaneously which it stands to reason also affects the quality of your code yeah no exactly um yeah this leaked into me and like so yeah Had to just nip that in the bud. And now I just have lip filler, chin filler. What's chin filler? So it's just like the same shit that they put in your lips, but then they put it there. Can I get rid of my bum chin? Yeah, you're trying to go for like an American tattoo. That's masculine. What, the crimson chin? There's crimson chin, yeah. Well, can I actually do that? I've never looked into this before. Oh yeah, like let me send you my chick. Absolutely. You got a lady? Yeah, she's actually a DJ. Oh, that's sick. Dude, I'm trying to meet a DJ. These are the biggest BBC I'll ever see. Yeah, it was so epic. I'm actually a vibe creator slash DJ slash coder. That's like my job title. Just to clarify, you guys are in a band? Yeah, that's true. And you have music out currently? Yeah. What kind of music is it? Like silly girl songs. Yeah. What's a silly girl song?

So I just burped into the microphone. That's exactly what our music sounds like. Yeah, it's kind of a little bit. No, that's a, that's, come on, let's. Well, I'd say we rely on our humor and our NDC's producer. Yeah. Which we speak of. Mmm, okay. I've heard essential anecdotes to the contrary, but I mean... About what? About Ike's epic stroke game. About a stroke game? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. So less. I was a victim of the back shots. It's funny because he... When you, the poster you made that says arse victim. I know that, but I kind of did it on purpose. I'm not going to lie. I saw that. Like, I was like, I couldn't make them be more defiant, but like, I was like, I know that loads of people commented and now made more engagement. I was just thinking as like an entrepreneur. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so, that's so cynical. This is why I hate to speak. I try not to beat my heroes because the truth is often so demystifying. I'll be your heroes. Yeah, honestly, yeah. I hadn't heard music until I encountered until you guys dropped the song. Oh, really? That's cool. And it really changed everything for me. It's a top 10 media format for sure. Fake niggas. They do it all for the clouds. Always running their mouth. But they've never been about. I splashed niggas in and out. Clout is killing our people Clout is killing our people Clout is killing our people Clout is killing our people They move like the groupies, them Sending shots or snap But in real life don't use this gang You know who likes special entertainment like that? Go show some love to Linda.